Moments of Mourning

It’s been four years since Sarah died. Long enough that I forget the day. This morning I asked what the day had in store and pulled the Three of Swords and couldn’t fathom what it meant until I looked at my calendar. Then it all made sense. I had to make time, at least a little, to mourn and remember.

I kept things very simple, but still more than I usually do. I laid out some paper, toothpicks (wands), water and salt and called the corners for the first time in a long time. I lit a candle and said hello, shared with her spirit some memories and thoughts. It was clear to me once again how different we were. I’m all air and earth, and she was all fire and water. We fought. She fought with everyone. But she’d do anything to work it out if she thought you were worth the effort.

There are things we could have done together–were beginning to do together–that I just can’t do alone. Her warmth and inspiration were irreplaceable. She was the center of a tight-knit and wonderful group that has broken apart without her. We move on, as the world always moves on, but we lost our beacon and hearth and have had to make do in a world a little colder and a little more lonely.

I don’t exactly believe in an afterlife and neither did she, but I believe in memory and love. Sarah is still loved and I promise to keep her in memory for a long time to come.

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